Nothing Left

I was cruising around facebook (you know, every college student's normal pasttime) when I happened upon a blog written by my closest friend in high school. I knew things had changed a lot since we graduated, that we had found ourselves in very different ways, but I had tried to cope with these things, and even hang out this summer. But when I clicked on the note, I only found a rant about what true Christianity is and why so many people keep getting it wrong.

So many things ran through my head. I thought about how judgmental it was, how the assumptions made were astronomical, how I never liked that brand of Christianity anyway. But when I flipped pages back to my own profile, only one thought rang in my head.

There is nothing left.

I hate melodramatic blogs, and I'm doing my very best not to turn this into one, but that was the only solid thought that formed in my head. There is nothing left of our friendship that hasn't been spoiled. There is no more common ground to debate. There is no more trust. In some ways, in the ways preoccupied with memories of high school, it's breaking my heart; but in ways more oriented to my current self, I'm doing just fine.

My parents and I have been talking about moving to Knoxville, and I'm really starting to think that this would be a good idea. My dad has a great job offer with twice the pay out there, and my mother could easily work as a medical coder. Both are unhappy in their jobs. They tell me otherwise on a regular basis, but I think the thing that is keeping them in Nashville is me. This is where I graduated high school, where my best friend still lives, for the most part where I grew up. But Demetria and I don't hang out much anymore, at least not in person, and I'd be happier without ever thinking of Beech High School again. What I realized tonight is that, as strange as it is to say it, there is nothing left for me here.

I want to move to Knoxville.